COBRA! 2: THIS I COMMAND!
by luigi23113
Summary: Yet another day in the life of Cobra! Will they succeed? Probably not. But that never stopped them before!


COBRA! 2: THIS I COMMAND!  
  
  
It was a great morning.  
Cobra Commander, in full garb, except for his mask, pondered over whether to wear his cowl or his metal mask. His gloved hand rested on his blue chin, as he pondered,  
"What to wear, what to wear..."  
  
It was a great morning.  
Destro dressed in his normal clothing, looking in his mirror. He tucked in his shirt, then reached up to correct his mask. Destro corrected the frills on his shirt, saluted, and walked out of his room, humming the song of his clan.  
  
It was a great morning.  
The Baroness was far from ready. She lay on her bed in her, um, "pajamas", staring at a picture of Serpentor. Today would be the day. The day he recognized her. The day she got some-  
  
"Respect. That's all I ask. A little respect."  
Cobra Commander walked down the hall. He had chosen his hood instead of the metal mask. His face needed to air out. As he walked down the hall, he met up with Destro. They seemed to be headed to the same place. A large door at the end of the hall, marked with the Cobra head...  
  
"Oh, no! Cobra Commander!"  
"Yesssss, Duke! I have come to finish you!"  
"Hah! You can not defeat me? Yo Joe!"  
"Nooo! I am no match, for him? Arrrg!"  
"Very good, Duke, but you are no match for ME!"  
"Oh, no! The mighty SERPENTOR!"  
Suddenly, Serpentor's door flew open. He quickly hid his snakes behind his back, and twirled around to face an astonished Cobra Commander and Destro.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"We came to see if 'his almighty high grand duke' of Cobra was awake yet," replied Cobra Commander, sarcastically.  
"Well, I'm awake. So go away."  
"But, sir," replied Destro, "what about the morning rituals?"  
"Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll be there in a moment."  
"Yes, sir."  
Destro and Cobra Commander leave the room. The moment the door closes, Serpentor returns to playing with his snakes.  
"Arg, arg, arg! Nya, nya, nya!"  
  
Cobra Commander and Destro walk down the hall to the main conference room.  
"He was playing with his snakes again, wasn't he?"  
"Yes, he was."  
"I told him to stop doing that. He didn't listen to me. He never listens to me!"  
"Join the club."  
"Not since he found out he was made by Golobulous. That guy really knew how to make someone mad."  
"I know, Destro."  
"How do you know?"  
"He turned me into a snake, Destro."  
"Oh. Yeah. Hey, doesn't this go against continuity?"  
"Shush! We're not supposed to know about that!"  
"The Ninja Turtles knew about it."  
Cobra Commander covers his ears.  
"La, la, la, la, la, la..."  
  
Cobra Commander and Destro enter the main conference room. Zartan, Zarana, the Baroness, Tomax, Xamot, Major Bludd, and Dr. Mindbender are sitting around the table. They all look up as Cobra Commander and Destro enter the room. The two take a seat, leaving one more seat for Serpentor.   
Cobra Commander turns to Dr. Mindbender.  
"Your little 'Love Child' is in his room."  
Dr. Mindbender ignores his comment and turns away, not saying anything.  
"So, what shall we be doing today, Commander?"  
"Well, Zartan, I don't know. I thought Serpentor was in charge of this meeting."  
"THAT HE IS!"  
All turn and look at Serpentor, who is standing in the doorway, his right arm on his hip, his left outstretched, pointing to the ground, diagonally. As usual, the Baroness is the only one who is excited. As Serpentor sits down, the Baroness runs up and pushes Major Bludd out of his seat, and stares at Serpentor. Serpentor speaks.  
"I...have a plan!"  
Major Bludd gets into the empty seat. "Of course you do. You set up this meeting!"  
"Too true, Major Bludd! That is why you shall lead my plan!"  
"And what is this plan?"  
"We shall shoot the Joes, and they will die!"  
"Bah!" yelled Cobra Commander, "It will never work!"  
Serpentor glared at Cobra Commander.  
"And why not?"  
"The BS&P won't stand for it!"  
"Hmm...your words ring true, Commander. The BS&P will surely seek revenge for the killing of heroes. Very well, I have a new plan!"  
"What, now?"  
"We shoot, and DON'T kill them!"  
The entire conference room, except for the Baroness, of course, stares at Serpentor in disbelief.  
"And then, we capture them!"  
Serpentor is met with even more stares. Cobra Commander is the first to speak up.  
"That's-"  
"-brilliant!"  
The Baroness cut off Cobra Commander. Now, the stares are aimed at her. Even Serpentor stares.  
"I have never heard a more perfect plan to capture the GI Joes!"  
"I don't find that very had to believe," Cobra Commander said, thinking out loud, under his breath.   
Serpentor, still confused, asks the Baroness, "You...you haven't?"  
"No, I have not! I volunteer myself to lead this excellent mission!"  
"Well...okay, if you really want to..."  
The Baroness stands up.  
"Don't you worry, sir! Everything will run like clockwork!"  
The Baroness walked out of the room. Everyone stared at her until she was out of sight.  
  
The Baroness was happy.  
She stood over her troops, her hands on her hips, on top of the lead tank. She looked over the GI Joe headquarters below, confident that nothing could possibly go wrong.   
  
Of course, this is COBRA!. If nothing went wrong, it wouldn't be very entertaining.  
  
The troops moved in on the GI Joe headquarters. Cannon shells exploded everywhere, destroying walls and vehicles alike. The Joes scramble to attack the Cobra soldiers, but are overpowered and captured. As the last of the Joes are rounded up, the Baroness tried to suppress her happiness. Her attempts failed.  
"WE WON! We finally won! The Joes were defeated! All because of me! Me, and darling Serpentor!"  
  
"WE WON! We finally won! The Joes were defeated! All because of me! Me, SERPENTOR!"  
Serpentor stands over the GI Joes, acting all triumphant. The Baroness stand behind him, shyly, waiting to get her recognition.  
Serpentor is reciting the names of the GI Joes who walk past him.  
"...Snake Eyes, the handicapped! Falcon, you pervert! And, look! If it isn't Duke! Duke-PRISONER OF SERPENTOR!!!!! YES!"  
Serpentor dances around like an idiot for awhile, then gets up, regains his composure, and walks off. The Baroness, a bit angry, turns around as Serpentor walks past.  
"Umm...Serpentor?"  
Serpentor turns around.  
"Yes?"  
"Um...aren't you...forgetting something?"  
"Hm...? Ah, yes. Very good, woman. We, uh...could not have-"  
Serpentor glances over at a Cobra soldier holding up a cue card.  
"-dome? DONE! Done. We could not have done it without you. Good wark."  
The Cobra soldier slaps himself in the head as Serpentor walked off. The Baroness looked sad for a second, but then her face lit up with happiness.  
"He...said...'Good work'! Ahhh..."  
The Baroness faints. Soon, Cobra soldiers rush over and carry her back to her room.  
  
Later, Serpentor is giving a speech. Baroness, Cobra Commander, and Destro are with him in the balcony. No one is listening to Serpentor, however; his speech is, as usual, very self-centered.  
The Baroness stares at Serpentor. She looks very content with herself.  
"I wonder..." she thought, "I wonder what he thinks of me..."  
Cobra Commander and Destro's thoughts are also on Serpentor, but are not quite so polite.  
Cobra Commander leans to Destro.  
"This could go on for hours."  
"Yes. It's already been longer than most of his little Ego Trips."  
"Even I don't give myself this much attention."  
Destro stares at Cobra Commander.  
"Seriously."  
"Hmm...I have a plan.  
"What?"  
"I'll tell you later, I don't want him to overhear us."  
  
"FREE THE JOES?!?"  
Cobra Commander was shocked, an rightfully so.  
"That's treason!"  
"Anything against Serpentor is treason, Commander. By that logic, we should be dead by now."  
"...agreed."  
  
Duke sighed. It was bad enough being in the cell in the first place, but being in it with Shipwreck? He'd rather have died. Suddenly, he hears a sound, and sits up, suddenly. Shipwreck looks over, too.  
"Ack! You buffoon!"  
"Shh! They'll hear us!"  
"They've heard us, nimrod!"  
By now, all of the Joes have heard the argument going on just out of sight.  
"Well, they wouldn't have heard us if you hadn't insulted me!"  
"Well, I wouldn't have insulted you if you weren't so clumsy!"  
"Why, you-"  
Fighting sounds can be heard as Cobra Commander and Destro, both trying hard to hide their identities with new outfits, Cobra Commander isn't even wearing a mask. The two realize they are being watched and quickly regain their composure. They walk over and release the GI Joes. The Joes are, obviously, confused.   
"Thanks, but, why are you doing this?" Duke asked.  
"To, uhhh...get back at Serpentor," said Cobra Commander, trying to hide his voice, "Now get out of here before we are found out."  
"Right."  
The GI Joes run off down the hall.  
  
"Eeeeerrrrgggg.....ahh!!!"  
Serpentor exploded with rage.  
"How?!?! HOW DID THEY ESCAPE!!?!?!?!?"  
Cobra Commander and Destro are trying to suppress their laughter. Suddenly, Serpentor turns towards them. They immediately stop. Serpentor points an accusing finger towards the two.  
"You..."  
The two get tense, expecting the worse. Serpentor walks past them, to the Baroness.  
"YOU were in charge of this mission! It's YOUR fault!"  
"But..."  
"DO NOT TROUBLE ME WITH YOUR LIES, WOMAN! I shall leave you now!"  
Serpentor walks out of the room. The Baroness becomes livid, barely able to suppress her anger. She regains her composure, and walks over past Destro.  
"Come, Destro."  
The Baroness snaps her fingers. Destro smiles, and follows her.  
Cobra Commander looks after the two, and bursts out laughing.  
  
Bobby walks into Extensive Enterprise's building. He walks over to an abandoned desk. When no one is looking, he unplugs the computer and attempts to run off with it, but is cut off by Tomax and Xamot, who are standing at the door.  
"Where do you think-"  
"-You're going?"  
"Umm...I..."  
"You shouldn't-"  
"-Steal, it's-"  
"-Illegal, and you could-"  
"-get arrested."  
"Now I know!"  
"That-"  
"-You do."  
"Take him-"  
"-Away, boys."  
Two policemen come and carry Bobby away.  
The Cobra logo appears on screen, as the Cobra soldiers yell their battlecry. Underneath the logo, it says, "Endorsed by NATIONAL CHILD SAFETY COUNCIL"  
  
The End...? 


End file.
